Peer Review and My Favorite Movies

3 things I would change
1. I would add more of how my paragraph effect the audience and how they would react
2. I would also clarify up my paragraphs and make them more understandable
3. May sure my whole paper is in the same tense(3rd person) and make sure to use Burtons name instead of him or he.

My favorite Movies
-Bourne Movies
-SWAT
-Lord of the Rings(3rd and 2nd are the best)
-Mission Imposible
-Italian Job
-ZooLander
-Gladiator(EDITED)
-Matrixs(EDITED)
-What about Bob
News Anchor

Older Movies
-Better off Dead
-Sneakers

Love letter - Han Solo to Princess Leia | Brian Doyle Style

Just know i tried :/
and now for the letter....


Hey your worship,
I know you think I'm alright, I know you love me. Sweatheart, I remember when we meet, i roared, I was rough, I was rushed to get out of the ship. It was a tough rescue. I fear the dead of you, you were scared, flicking of fear and pain in your face, the face i loved on first sight, that stopped me in the middle of shooting and haunts me this morning of your safety; for i turned to protect you, I'm captured and will be frozen, and i can never get out now, which hurts me.

Yes, you think I'm alright, Yes princess, you love me, yes your worship, that day you meet me and loved me and yes this was the start of your love for me and yes, you will miss me and yes I have a bad feeling. Yes you might not see me again, princess and yes i miss those times we fought, but you really loved me. I miss you your worship.

THE END

yes, i know its not that great :)

similes/metaphors

Im kind of lame at making these similes, sorry

1. They entered the street, hugged, and spun and spun just like when he spun on the marry-go-round and... threw up.

2. His joy of seeing her was as profound as his first time watching star trek and seeing Kurt in action.

3. John's kiss on her lip was just as slippery as the slip n slide in her backyard.

4. Love is like dancing in a prairie. Its fun until you step in a cow pie.

5. they danced, and danced like dancers would do in a dance where dancers dance.

6. Her soft hair was as smooth as a cactus on a rainy day.

Transgression Letters :/

Dear Judge,

Last Wednesday I received my 4th speeding ticket this month. I am deeply sorry for my misbehavior this last month. I feel I have learned from my mistakes and have done my best to stay at the limit now. Although the first three were my fault for being in a rush to get to BYU, I feel that I don't deserve my 4th ticket.  Last Wednesday on my way to BYU , I was heading down the hill between Orem and Provo on State Street. The speed limit is 40 mph but from the momentum of going downhill I happen to go over 40 and was pulled over.  I honestly was trying to follow the limit and feel bad for my 4th ticket. If you could please dismiss this ticket so that I might continue to be able to drive. I need to drive between my schedule of work and school. I will understand your decision but hope that I might have one more chance.

Sincerely
Jordan Cutler

Hi Mom, I just wanted to write this and tell you that I got my 4th speeding ticket. I know what your thinking, but I honestly have been following the speed limit and I got caught going down the hill going down from Orem to Prove on State Street. I was going 40 mph but with the momentum I went over a little and then I got pulled over. Just my luck... right. Im really sorry mom, I really been trying harder to leave earlier from school so that I'm not in a rush to get to school. The police are thinking of suspending my license and I have wrote the Judge explaining my situation. I really hope he will consider my circumstance and dismisses my ticket. Well, I hope all is well with you and dad. Don't worry too much!

Love ya
Jordan

Hey friends! So i need your help! I know many of you depend on me driving you around town. I got my 4th speeding ticket going down that hill between Orem and Provo and now they are thinking of the suspending my license. Its pretty hard not to go over the speed limit down that hill! The Judge has given me a change to explain my 4th ticket and I know many of you were there with me and agree with me that the last ticket was unfair. If you could write a letter to the judge as witnesses of what happen, they might dismiss that last ticket. You guys are the best!

Jordan

Found Poetry

So Im not really good at this but I was doing my physical science 100 reading and read a definition and randomly thought about this poetry assignment and thought, this kind of works, so I hope it works. :) feel free to disagree.

Ionic Conductors

Materials that do not

Conduct electricity

in the solid state

but do 

when molten

or

dissolved in water

Did i make a poem? i hope so :)

Blog # 3 (kind of late... sorry)

I picked Dear Students: Don’t Let College Unplug Your Future-Gideon Burton


Intent 1.  The author intent is to show that college is becoming increasing less important as new technology comes. He is trying to show how technology, through blogs, twitter, Facebook, online portfolios, etc, are having a bigger effect on resumes then having a college degree. He as well is proving that colleges are behind in technology improvements that are becoming more important in todays world. Interesting side-point, I heard and he talked a little about this, that technology is advancing so fast that by the time we graduate, the information we have learned is outdated by 2 years.


Tools 2. He uses many different tools to improve his paper. He uses ethos by being a professor. As a professor he knows and has seen how universities work and how efficiently they work. Because he is a professor, he can clearly have a stance on the subject. I also thought he related well with his Audience. He use a vocabulary and style that could relate well with students(his audience). 


Audience Reaction 3. I agree with many parts of his paper. It made me want to use technology more to improve my resume and future opportunities. I thought, "I need to get a blog! or else I'm missing out". He made me feel college is less important. So for the most part, I agree with him, but obviously, in this world, no one will accept someone for a blog over a diploma. I can see how technology can help, and increase your chances for success, but overall, a diploma is more important even if its just a paper, and if your education is outdated. 

My Errors and Peer Review

My 5 Errors in my paper

 1.
Error: The second reaction pressures brings to us is mental reactions.
Problem: Pressures, should not have a s at the end, and some rewording.
Correction: The second reaction to pressure is mental reactions.


2.
Error: We have the natural tendency to think, “I better hurry”, “I am running out of time”, or “Im taking too much time on this question, better guess on it”.
Problem: The commas should go in the quotations. also Im should be changed to I am or I'm. Some rewording as well.
 Correction: We have the natural tendency to think "i better hurry," I am running out of time," or "I am taking too much time on this question, I better make a guess"

3.

Error:  We also wouldn’t feel rush, or uncomfortable while taking the test and. we would do their best and that’s what everyone wants. 

Problem: hahaha.. a lot. There shouldn't be a period after and. As well, there is no need for a comma before  the or. Their, should we changed to our(because Im trying to include myself in the paper). Also that's should be changed to thats or that is(there is not possession)

Correction: We also wouldn't feel rushed or uncomfortable while taking the test. We would do our best and that is what everyone wants.

4.

Error:  We will take more time to analyze, think, read, write, which will increase our performance, scores, and knowledge. 

Problem: there should be a "and" put after read. 

Correction: We will take more time to analyze, think, read, and write, which will increase our performance, scores, and knowledge.

5.

Errors:  Even with all those other worrys, we yet worry more about time. 

Problem: worrys is incorrect. It should be worries. As well needs some reworking.

Correction: Even with all those worries, we yet seem more worried about time.   

Please correct me if I am wrong. Some are very confusing.

My feelings about Peer Reviews

I really liked the peer reviews. It really helped me see some of the big errors I had in my opinion editorial. It also gave me ideas of how to structure, organize, and improve my paper. Many of these ideas i didn't see, and were great ways to improve my paper! By having 4 other people review my paper, I found all the things wrong with my paper and can see if my paper was efficient and if it was worth writing. If my peer reviewers like it, then my audience will like it! thats logic!